The nightmare beyond the deep Cthulhu has arrived to become your personal trainer!
Enter your weight-loss goals (he will mock them) and keep track of your daily calories (or don’t, you are doomed either way). Log your meals (did you eat an entire bag of sugar for lunch? Maybe *two* bags of sugar? You can be honest here) and get helpful (NOT helpful - not at all) life and dieting tips from Cthulhu himself. Why not give it a try? The only thing you’ve got to lose is “all your hopes and dreams!”
The Cthulhu Diet is a dark-humor parody app which you could technically use to count calories and become a healthier person but really who is going to actually do that? Just download it and get a few laughs as you hurl through the darkness of space and time towards the heat-death of the Universe. Whee!